Today is our seventeenth wedding anniversary, but as of yesterday we hadn’t yet decided how we were going to celebrate when I received an e-mail that a new, yet very dear friend had tragically passed away.

Sadly, I spent the morning at her graveside funeral. I listened to praise for a strong and courageous woman who brought her family to new places of spiritual growth, committed herself to the community through outstanding hospitality, presided over a charity that provides various needs for struggling families, and worked all hours of the day and night on a fundraising endeavor for our local school. She left behind her husband, two young sons, sister, parents and many other bereft family members.

When I first heard the news, I was so shocked I didn’t cry. But today, as I was circling the cemetery hopelessly lost and wondering where the guiding arrows were, I suddenly felt tears pooling up in my eyes. I needed to be at her funeral on time, and instead God had decided I should wander for a bit.

From somewhere deep inside of me, a loud voice said, “THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME.” I was overcome by a calming sensation, and my frustration dissipated. A few minutes later I arrived to find that they were just starting the eulogies.

Toward the end of this heart-breaking funeral, I watched with unbelievable sadness as the new widower bravely put a hand on each of his son’s backs and walked them through the throngs of friends and family who had come to grieve and to give comfort.

It can be hard to internalize another’s pain. Certainly being at a funeral – particularly of someone who dies young – is a wrenching experience. But at the same time, we ‘guests’ leave with tears drying in our eyes, and hours later we are back in the routine of our day. Not so with the family, and not so with the wise ‘guest’. One who tries to take inspiration from life (and death) will walk away from an emotional experience motivated to make a change.

What would have been a typical anniversary celebration is going to take on so much more meaning. Flowers, gourmet dinners and material gifts are all nice. But this year, I intend to make something of the incredible gift we have been given by God, that we have been granted seventeen full years of marriage together.

In Cindy’s memory, I will spend some serious time contemplating the gift of my incredible husband, and I will let him know it. I will say an extra prayer of thanks to God that he has brought us together, gave us our beautiful children, and continues to bless our lives.

I will pray that Cindy’s husband, sons and family members find great comfort in the coming weeks, months and years, and that the good deeds she has done in her life  serve as an inspiration and motivation for the rest of the world – forever.